Thursday, 9 July 2009 - 9:07 AM CDT

I have had a long struggle with the social aspect of being a healthy, fit person. My freshman year of college I vowed to lose the "freshman 15" instead of gain it - and I did, but at a price. My entire circle of friends consisted of my boyfriend at the time and our high school buddies who loved to spend their weekends drinking, smoking and eating Hardees burgers. When I changed my habits and the weight came off, I was actually getting ridiculed and teased by them as if I were in grade school! The constant ridicule was so bad that I actually slipped back into old habits a couple of summers ago without even realizing it, and spent my nights drinking calorie-filled beer and margaritas with my friends - hello 15 pounds later! I felt terrible, tired and lathargic every day.

I finally kicked myself and got back on track, but it took seemingly more work than the first time - probably because my self-esteem had taken such a hit. I do find that I rarely spend time with the people that contributed to my slip-up because I am tired of them making me feel like there is something wrong with my lifestyle. I still get comments when I choose to drink water instead of alcohol in social situations, and the new bring-you-down fad consists of teasing me about a potential eating disorder. Yes, I am very picky about what I eat - but in a good way. I take pride in what I put in my body, I carry around a Mary Poppins bag of snacks and I spend my life in gym clothes because it makes me happy. I don't try to force my lifestyle on others, and I wish people understood that being ridiculed for being healthy/skinny can be just as hurtful as teasing those who are overweight. But for now, I can live with nicknames such as "Fitness Barbie" and "Sporty Spice."

Thursday, 9 July 2009 - 9:23 AM CDT

Oh yeah, I have it. I have a running group (of which I am the leader) called Moms in Motion, they keep me running.  I have an online trainer, I have a life coach, I have a sponsor in both AA and OA, and I have tons of friends and family who keep me honest.  When I come across unhelpful family or friends, depending on who they are, I either let them know how they can be helpful or I just avoid them.

Thanks for this post - I loved it!

Thursday, 9 July 2009 - 10:05 AM CDT

I have been very intrigued with your latest posts, as I made the change to a vegan diet a year and a half ago and am working on my fitness level right now by doing Body for Life, after having gone from couch potato to half marathon finisher in the last five years or so.  I have to say, support is KEY!  I could not have done it without the unflagging support of my sister, mother, husband and kids (which means they mostly do not groan when I put vegan dinners on the table and don't give me a hard time about anything, especially going to the gym every day during the summer vacation).  I know I could not have done it alone, I would have given up a long time ago.  I am sure it must be impossible if you are surrounded by people who ridicule you,  sabotage you and generally make it difficult.

Thursday, 9 July 2009 - 11:09 AM CDT

This is a really hard topic for me. When I didn't find the social support I needed from my physical family & friends, I found it online. I found a fantastic community of women who I consider to be dear friends even though I may walk past them on the street & not know it. I've been with these women through marraiges, divorces, births & deaths. Through it all we've exchanged ideas about which diets work for whom, strength training periodization, bodybuilding, cardio -- you name it, we've discussed it!

Since I've changed my lifestyle, I've attracted more like-minded people into my life & I don't really hang with those folks that I used to; not that I didn't like them, but like the first poster, I didn't want to put myself in situations where I would be vulnerable to slip ups.

Thursday, 9 July 2009 - 11:21 AM CDT

Interesting topic.  I've never been surrounded by people who love fitness...but it's always been a part of me.  I was the only one in my household growing up that was outside daily playing kickball, softball, pretending to be Cathy Rigby or Dorothy Hamil.  I think there is something genetic going on because my Uncle Buddy is in his 80s and still hikes, hunts, etc.  My Aunt Louise is 77 and she walks 3 miles a day and weight trains 3X a week.  But they both lived 1000 miles or more in different directions from me, so I didn't grow up with their influence.  My own mother and father never modeled a lifestyle of fitness.

 When I started dating my husband he began to run and weight train with me, but he didn't come from a family that was healthy & fit.  Through the years he has been up and down with it.  He recently had a scare and is now exercising moderately 3X a week and finally listening to me about food.  He would always eat the healthy things I served...but then sneak downstairs at midnight to cook up greasy things.  God only knows what he ate out of vending machines at work all these years!

 Through out my life I've had a friend here and there who was very into a healthy lifestyle, but mostly I'm the odd ball

 I solved my problem of lacking a social support system:  I had children, lol.  My stepdaughter says she inherited her healthy lifestyle from me by osmosis.  My own three girls are all very physically active and eat healthy foods.  (And the two that are still at home are always hearing from friends about "There is never any JUNK at your house."   They have the genetic factor from me *and* the social influence of having a mother who raised them that way.

 I guess then that while a good social support network would be wonderful, it is not necessary if you have a natural "bent" in that direction.

Thursday, 9 July 2009 - 11:45 AM CDT

Hi!

I think you're right! If it wasn't my family (specially my mother, my housemaid, and my two sisters) I wouldn't have lost 50 pounds, since January 1st, 2008

My mother and my housemaid always cooked meals thinking of my diet. My two sisters (and also my mother) always let me try out the cakes when we are at a family party. Without them I don't know if I would have had motivation to continue my journey...

Furthermore, they are the first ones saying to me that I'm in a great shape, and keep telling me to continue since I'm getting good results.

I hope (and I know) they will be the first ones to tell me to stop loosing too. When I reach that baseline where I will be too thin, I know they will tell me that sincerely.

Having someone to be sincere with you about what you're doing with your health is very important! Because there are times when we don't see outside the box, and need someone to tell us, the truth, no matter what!

Thursday, 9 July 2009 - 12:44 PM CDT

Whoa. Having a light-bulb moment here. I've always kind of glazed over the social support advice I read about (blah, blah, blah, I don't need no stinkin' support system) but after your post I'm rethinking it. 

Am mostly the odd one out among my family and friends. Lots of big dinners out, wine, beer... For years I've toggled between isolating myself from them, joining them but abstaining (not fun) or just going along and then spending the rest of my time triaging. It's exhausting.

Probably not a coincidence that I'm planning a move from the east coast to Colorado -- I'm craving a more active lifestyle and more active people to do it with. Not that I have to move to accomplish this social support thing, I realize .... but I feel drawn to do it anyway.

I think this may be a missing element in my fitness plan. Thanks for  bringing it up today; I have a new angle to think about!

Thursday, 9 July 2009 - 1:49 PM CDT

Hey cool, that was my question - I'm famous!

That's something I don't get.  I want to have a social life.  I like to drink.  I like to go out and have fun.  I have some friends who seem to have this magic balance where they go out and drink and eat and yet still go to the gym, and play sports, etc and have decent body composition.

I have other friends who look to me for a healthy lifestyle which is ironic because I'm the most overweight, yet also probably the most active. 

Thursday, 9 July 2009 - 2:43 PM CDT

I was 12, latchkey kid, home alone in the summer, depressed over pre-adolescent chubbiness, and happened,in our 4 channels to Lilias yoga.Got interested and in weeks, the gentle,what I would call non exercise today, taught me to move a little,got some tone,and was encouraged to healthier eating.....bought every magazine, and was the first in 7th grade with whole wheat bread, and the idea of not eating red meat EVERY day...

It'sbeen 30 some years since then and I've never had a constant support system..was usually the oddball, first into yoga, high impact aerobics, weights, etc, and generally got odd looks....then many joined up...

Hubby would like to be a meat and potatoes guy,but likes fresh salad and tomatoes w/homegrown herbs on homemade wholegrain bread (unless it comes out like a rock)....and over the years, more bring their lunches to work, and are on the bandwagon..

But other than online, I don't see the "lifestyle" alot...maybe if I get more social, I will,but not at the moment!

How do I handle it? I just don't call attention to myself, order what I want, and if someone offers me something, I tell them no, I have a bad zorch (cross between liver and gallbladder,)which isn't true, but I feel yucky after junky food.. 

Friday, 10 July 2009 - 12:43 AM CDT

I'm with the other commenter about basically being an oddball. I don't really have anyone that shares my um, obsession? with diet and fitness research and for trying new things. I wish I did. :(

However, I always always always find group dynamics strange and well, unmotivating. I'm weird though, I get all super competitive and strange when it comes to groups and this stuff anyway. I suppose I'm the freak. ;)

Friday, 10 July 2009 - 7:08 AM CDT

Oh my word, Skwigg, you've hit the nail on the head with this one. I *so* lack a support system and it drives me crazy. I've always been 20 lbs overweight. Over the years, I've lots it a few times, but always gained it back. Even though I am 20 lbs overweight and love eat ice cream regularly, I have done so much reading about diet and fitness over the years I feel I could be somebody else's personal trainer; I just can't do it myself, though.

 Last fall I started BFL for the first time. (That's how I found you). I spent time everyday here and at various Yahoo groups. I felt supported and had wonderful results. However, dh and I had a financial crisis in February and I fell off the wagon, big time. :(

 I know I could do it with Internet support (lose weight and be fit and healthy), but I need someone IRL who will keep me accountable. That's the big thing. My dh is supportive as long as he doesn't have to eat my healthy food. :) My friends have no interest in fitness issues. 

Right now I'm leaning towards vegan/McDougalling, but ice cream is my favorite food! And it would be so socially unacceptable in the rural Midwest. Ugh....I'm also on summer vacation (teacher) so I'm out of my routine of exercising each morning.

Lots of rambling here. Keep up the good posts, Skwigg.

Friday, 10 July 2009 - 10:42 AM CDT

This is a great topic to return to.  I often think that I have no social support and woe is me, but I'm realizing that for a long time my social support was as schizo as me, not quite the 3-hour-workout to be able to eat a pint of ben and jerry's, but close.  Many of them exercise, sporadically, but eat junk which, hmm, I do too.  I found it convenient to have friends who are willing to go for a walk at lunch, and like to eat and will always take me up on the offer to try out a new place, even though those offers come once a week or every other.  I've joined friends when they had a breakfast donut, sipping my tea.   There are a lot of fitness freaks that are difficult people, very regimented and easily upset, and I'll pass, thanks.  At the same time, I have difficulties with certain "required" social events - family and work - where I feel out of control and so I refuse to go.  A coworker was trying to encourage me, saying "they have salads at the restaurant" and it takes a conscious effort not to roll my eyes.  It isn't just that I don't trust a restaurant salad, but if all they're doing is chopping vegetables, I can do that and cheaper.  There's something to be said for learning how to embrace a variety of friends, but I'm not one to explain how to do it.

Friday, 10 July 2009 - 11:38 AM CDT

I totally agree that you have to have like minded friends.  I used to date guys who weren't that fit, as I felt that I was 'being too picky' or 'too superficial'.  That always came back to bite me; I never found them physically attractive, and they really dragged me down with their poor eating habits.  (the fact that I'd date men whom I don't find physically attractive is another issue..)

Several years ago, I went from being very fit with average bodyfat (because of undiagnosed metabolic issues).  I had a very close female friend of 12 years, and she began acting very oddly.  I didn't discuss my diet, and only talked about my fitness activities when she talked about her golfing...I thought we were sharing our passions and enjoying ourselves.  Later it became very clear that she was very threatened by my new passion, and my new physique.  She even voiced doubts that she could 'cook anything that I'd like', even though I've eaten at her house dozens of times in the past year! It was weird because I had no desire to compete or compare with others. But it eventually was a big piece that ended our friendship.  It was sad to let go, but I really need to have the freedom to follow my passions without being tied up in 'protecting' someone else's self esteem.

Friday, 10 July 2009 - 11:56 AM CDT

Never underestimate the power of social support. I just started a boot camp and this is one of the great ways to get support from other people with similar fitness goals. Most of my clients have been inactive for awhile and haven't seen the inside of a gym for a long time. Now, they come see me at 5:45 a.m. just to get their workouts in, 3 times a week. That's a big improvement!

I truly believe that you are the average of the 5 people you hang out with - in any area of your life.

Thanks for a great post!

Friday, 10 July 2009 - 12:25 PM CDT

I, like several other commenters, am an oddball amongst my social circle.  I work in a profession (programming) that is stereotypically unhealthy and my social circle involves all sorts of geek hobbies that are also stereotyically unhealthy.  Most of my friends and co-workers I'd bet are well over 30% bodyfat those that aren't are often the opposite end of unhealthy (thin and frail) or don't really do anything special but are just lucky.  A couple of my friends have died due to weight related illness (diebeties and kidney/heart failure)

I've been into fitness on and off since I was young - mostly it fell out of my life when life became crazy or I became lazy - maybe if I was surrounded by fit people it would have been harder for it to happen.  In 2003 I hit 250 lbs and developed sleep apnea, saw I was heading toward an early grave and dropped down to 170 through exercise and diet.  Then my father and grandma became sick and I had to care for them and my weight crept up over a few years to 206.  This year I'm back down to 170 and have rededicated myself to placing my health first.

I consider myself fortunate that I don't really need social support to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  This is due in part to not placing much stock in how others see me and preferring to be my own judge.  I have never been ridiculed for liking fitness but have had it questioned and I often respond with something like "If I eat and act the way I did, I'll look that way again".  If someone actually ridiculed me for being fit, they would would get it back in return for not being fit.

Once I went to lunch with a large group of co-workers.  They went somewhere new to me and I couldn't find anything on the menu I was willing to eat.  So I got up and went somewhere else which some who didn't know me well found kinda shocking.  On the trip back to the office someone who had gone and eaten even though she had already had lunch remarked on my behavior and that she would have felt uncomfortable not participating in the group lunch.  I said it was fortunate that I was a programmer and expected to be socially inept because I wasn't about to compromise my health for any reason.

The worst social problem I've encountered was my wife's concern about my fitness leading me astray or that I was becoming some sort of evangelist (which I am).  It took some explaining but we have come to an understanding - she even started excercising to great effect with the wii fit.  She still thinks I'm doing some crazy extreme workouts.

I have moved from doing all home workouts (P90X and walking on a treadmill ) to doing kettlebells at home and going to a bootcamp.  It is nice to be around others doing similar things and it does ispire me to push harder.   I've also found that some of my friends and co-workers are becoming a little interested in my activities.

In summary, for me I'm the main reason to get and stay fit, the social aspect isn't absolutely necessary, and I find it easy to go against the norms of my peers.  But having a fit social circle can help make things more enjoyable.

Friday, 10 July 2009 - 8:48 PM CDT

Dear Skwigg,

Another great post. I'm really happy for you in all the delight you've found in your new eating patterns, but I can't really relate to those since I"m addicted to coffee and some chocolate in the afternoon.   Any advice on those?

But this bit on social support is a surprising reminder.  My bf and I are both active and love working out, and in the almost two years that I"ve been working out regularly, my Mom actually joined a gym and started with a trainer!   I am so proud of her!  Several local friends have dissed me, saying the usual catty things, yuo've lost too much weight,  are you anorexic, you're too thin, all from rounder people.  I think I will try to meet some of the other like minded women at the gym to enlarge the circle.  After that, it's the on line gang, and your posts are always great.  Thanks for everything,     

Saturday, 11 July 2009 - 8:01 AM CDT

I believe support is important , but I don't think it is impossible to achieve your fitness goals without it. My husband is not in anyway interested in anything healthy, although I've tried to sway him many, many times. I have no like minded friends , infact most of them see my goals as obsessive and pointless. I do have a blog and have gotten some support in that way, but it isn't the same as "real life" support ....... But my goals were so important to me, and I wanted it so much , that I was able to reach them without it. Now , I guess I should clarify that although my husband doesn't join me in my quest for fitness, he definately goes allong with all of my schemes, new programs, and equipment, listens to my endless chatter about it, and never gives me a hard time about any of it . I know he does think I am a little nutty, but that's ok. Now that I have reached my initial goal, I do have freinds and aquaintences who are curious about fitness and ask questions, but the minute I mention workouts (circuits and HIIT are my thing , love TT !) their eyes glaze over and I can tell they are no longer listening !!!!!!!! Oh well, so the bottom line for me is, I would LOVE to have friends to workout with, to talk recipes, and diet plans, workouts and all that ...... I would love to be around people who are as passionate about it and committed to it as me..... but I don't , and I am still going strong ! So although it helps , and is definately important ..... it is not impossible to do without  it ! I am proof !

Saturday, 11 July 2009 - 8:13 AM CDT

Julie O - My advice on the afternoon coffee and chocolate is to have it! :-) I didn't cut out a single thing I love or couldn't do without.

Unless you're talking a multi-hundred calorie daily trainwreck, and then I would either clean it up a little, make the portions smaller, or do it less often. I'd also look at whether you're turning to coffee and chocolate as an afternoon pick-me-up because your lunch is letting you down.

Saturday, 18 July 2009 - 6:41 AM CDT

I sometimes tell myself that I all I need is my own knowledge about to do and the determination to do it...but it's like swimming upstream vs swimming downstream. One of my co-workers has recently started eating very healthily and it's fantastic to have a buddy who will also pass up the cake and chocolate biscuits people bring to work.