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Tuesday, 13 May 2008
The Bunny Barricade

There is a rabbit that lives in our yard, a deranged, fearless, dog-taunting rabbit. She will sit and eat clover with slobbering (apparently blind) dogs three feet away. If the dogs do manage to spot her and chase her, she can run straight through chain link fence like a freaking terminator. As soon as the dogs look away or lie down, she's back.

Today we noticed that this bold bunny was building a nest in the middle of the yard. She dug a deep hole, lined it with fur and grass, and is apparently planning to have babies RIGHT THERE in dog central. Hoping to avoid a bloody massacre, we built a security fence for her. It's not much to look at but it should protect her from both the dogs and the lawnmower. Behold the engineering marvel! LOL  

 


Posted by skwigg at 8:29 PM CDT
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Monday, 12 May 2008
Valerie Waters Talks Red Carpet Ready

I'm at the mid-point of Valerie Waters' Red Carpet Ready program and it's time to switch up the exercises. I would like to take a moment to welcome back T push-ups, weighted crunches, single-leg squats and single-leg Romanian deadlifts. I missed you (not!). I've also been introduced to something called a twisting Valslide reverse lunge. I nearly did the splits and fell out of a window on my first attempt. I bought the Valslides and let's just say that they move much faster than paper plates. I love them! For sliding movements, they're smoother and more challenging than anything else you could stick under your feet. I'll admit that I was a hard sell. I didn't see any reason to buy them until my paper plate bent, snagged on the carpeting and dumped me on my face. Now, I understand the wisdom of using the right equipment, especially as I progress to more difficult moves using weight and rotation. The Valslides are well-made, nicely-cushioned and won't snag or catch on anything. Plus, they're a bit challenging to control, giving you that much more muscle activation on the exercises.

I had a chance to interview Valerie this week and ask her some questions about Red Carpet Ready.

 

Tell us a little about your training background and philosophy. Who are some of your biggest influences in the fitness industry? My early background has its roots in track & field and then later in body building.  I learned so much about effort, perseverance and commitment from being involved in sports at an early age.  Years later I had the opportunity to meet Mark Verstegen and Mike Boyle, two of the most brilliant Strength & Conditioning coaches out there.  However, unlike Mark and Mike, I do not train pro athletes.  I train television and movie stars and they want a very specific look.  So I took what I learned from Mark and Mike, tweaked it a little, then applied it to my own training methods.   I also regularly attend training workshops and seminars, most notably from Perform Better One of my favorite presenters (and good friend) is Alwyn Cosgrove.  He has the ability to make very complex information understandable…and it’s always entertaining to hear him speak.  If you have not heard any of his lectures, sign up or order them on DVD.  www.AlwynCosgrove.com

You've become quite well known for creating a specific "look" for your celebrity clients. How would you describe it? I call the look “Movie Star Fitness.”  It is fit and toned but very feminine.  It is not in-your-face buff.  No 6 pack abs, maybe the start of a 2 pack, and a flat belly but not ripped.  No overly developed arms but a round firm butt.  Quads are defined but not bulging.  My girls (Jennifer Garner, Rachel Nichols, Elizabeth Berkley) embody this look.

We often hear that women can't get too big, or that men and women should train exactly alike. What are some of the most common concerns you hear from your female clients and how does Red Carpet Ready address them? I hear from women constantly that they are afraid to train with weights because when they did they got “too bulky.”  “Too” is the operative word here.  The desired amount of muscle varies from person to person.  Not everyone wants to look like an athlete.  Many want a “pilates body” or a sexy toned body.  Well, Red Carpet Ready can give you that look faster using weight training.  It is the combination of specific exercises coupled with the diet that creates the Red Carpet Ready look.

Your clients are often quite lean and fit to begin with. Is Red Carpet Ready for women of all shapes and sizes? What kind of results can they expect? Red Carpet Ready is for women of all shapes and sizes.  The workouts help speed up your metabolism, burn fat and create shape.  The diet is the most important part in reducing body fat.  The stricter you are on the eating plan, the greater your weight loss will be.  This is not, however, a diet of extreme deprivation.  Rather you are taught how to make better choices and given strategies on how to make them work.

A lot of women are under the impression that in order to get lean they need to starve, or count every calorie, or live on nothing but protein and green vegetables. I was pleasantly surprised at the variety and flexibility of your meal plan. Tell us a little about your approach to nutrition. Since I come from a body building background, I originally modeled what they were doing.  You know, egg whites, oatmeal, chicken, broccoli and sweet potatoes.  Later I had the opportunity to meet with Dr. Barry Sears and really learned the role that insulin plays in the body.  The diet evolved through trial and error, first on myself and then on many clients.  I believe in eating 5-6 times per day.  I believe fast digesting carbs are the real culprit in weight gain.  I believe if it is too extreme nobody stays on it for long, so what’s the point?  I believe in teaching strategy as opposed to just setting down a specific meal plan.  You know the saying, “Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day.  Teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime.”  I believe in teaching people how to eat for long term success.  Watch my blog for an update on how I eat now.  www.valerie-waters.blogspot.com 

Your workouts include some unique sliding moves. There is a temptation to use paper plates, towels or furniture movers for these exercises. Tell us about the Valslide and why it's a better option? The Valslide is a very specifically designed exercise tool.  Not only do they work better than the mentioned paper plates, towels, etc but you feel more empowered using them.  It’s like the cans of soup or water bottles that some women’s magazines are always trying to get you to use as weights.  To me it implies that our bodies are not worth even a nominal investment.  Imagine you were working out at the gym.  How would you feel doing bicep curls with a can of beans or sliding on a paper plate?  The Valslide sells for $29.99 and it comes with an instruction booklet as well as a little mesh bag for carrying.  A pair of dumbbells cost $15-$25.  Is your health not worth at least that much?  Skip your Starbucks Venti Latte and Muffin ($5.50 X 10 working days = $55.00) for 2 weeks and you practically have a home gym.

 

My paper plate malfunction, combined with that visual of doing "bean" curls, led to a brief tabulation of my weekly restaurant bills, which convinced me to finally try the Valslides. While I was at it, I decided to buy the kettlebells, a water bottle, a new fitness program and about five other things. Because I'm worth it! Or at least that's what I'll tell my husband when he sees the Visa bill. LOL 

Valerie's program is Red Carpet Ready and her blog is www.valerie-waters.blogspot.com. The blog has great workouts, pictures of her food, and even dogs in bandannas!


Posted by skwigg at 1:15 AM CDT
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Wednesday, 7 May 2008
Ditching Plastic and Drinking in Style

Last week, I had a hypochondriac freakout about the BPA in reusable water bottles and drinking glasses. As one of those water-guzzling fitness people, I had a water bottle with me at all times - a poison-leaking, hormone-disrupting, cancer-causing water bottle. When I didn't have the killer water bottle in hand, I was drinking from a big make-me-a-mutant plastic cup. I've now ditched the plastic in favor of this ultra-cool metal Sigg bottle and a set of amazing bubble glass tumblers.

The Sigg bottles come in all colors and styles. This one is called "midnight illusion" and I loves it! The black metal has a futuristic, post-apocalyptic, alien cool factor. You carry it by the finger loop in the lid. It holds 1 liter. It's recyclable. It's a bit of a bugaboo to clean, requiring a special brush thingy, but I think it's worth the fuss. I want more of them even though they're $20 apiece!

The bubble glass tumblers seem magical to me. They're big (17oz) and sturdy and they have an array of tiny bubbles IN the glass. No matter what you put in them, it appears carbonated! I love that! Ice water, green tea and protein shakes all have a happy, bubbly appearance. Hopefully, I don't immediately break them all. I had been using plastic because I'm a serious klutz and my floors are slate and ceramic tile. Anything that I drop literally explodes when it hits the floor. The new glasses are especially dangerous because of the weight. They're substantial empty, but when you fill them up they're really heavy, and when it's warm, they get condensation on them. The result is a heavy, slippery, breakable object in the hands of a klutz with explosive floors. We'll see what happens!

I added both of these to the Gadgets & Gizmos section of my Store. The Midnight Illusion Sigg bottles seem to be out of stock. Between Earth Day and all of the hypochondriacs freaking out over plastic, there's been a run on reusable bottles. I'm going to have to go back and look around. I swear I saw a black Sigg bottle with a red skull and crossbones on it, the perfect beverage container for work.


Posted by skwigg at 11:26 PM CDT
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Tuesday, 6 May 2008
Running Amok at Warp Speed

For those of you taking bets on how long it would take me to buy Alwyn's new Warp Speed Fat Loss program, I bought it one hour and ten minutes after it went on sale today. Thank you. I know I have a problem. LOL And not only did I do THAT, but I went to Dragon Door and bought two new kettlebells. My name is Skwigg and I am a compulsive fitness shopper. 

I have one beautiful 26lb Russian Red kettlebell, and just bought two 18 pounders. I also need a 35 pounder but you can only buy so much iron at a time without breaking both the bank and the UPS truck. I realize that Dragon Door is more expensive than the sporting goods store knockoffs, and that shipping is a holy nightmare, but I must have the "real" ones because I'm insane like that.

Warp Speed is 468 pages (not a typo) and it's in full color with lots of pictures. I didn't get the upgrade hard-copy DVD things and now I'm kicking myself for being thrifty. (When am I ever thrifty?) Today is the first day of sales, the server is totally crawling over there, barely alive. The fitness shopaholics have stampeded it like a bunch of little girls trying to get Hannah Montana tickets. I had to hit refresh for, oh, about 10 minutes before I got the download link to come up. Hopefully, I didn't charge my card 300 times.

I am rocking the Red Carpet workouts this week. Finally, I'm developing the endurance to blast them out without kneeling or crying or praying, but I still whimper a little on the deranged glute isolation moves and those lunges and squats that come up into a kick. Those sets burn like hell, but just as YogaGirl predicted, I'm no longer sore afterward, just... toasted. Like I can definitely feel that I've done something, but it's more of a dull fatigue feeling than standard screaming muscle soreness. Next week all the exercises change. That ought to be entertaining. Stand by for more whining.

I had a crazy realization this morning. If you're somebody who is not trying to lose weight (me) a love for crazy fat burning, metabolism blasting, ass-kicking workout plans simply allows you to eat more. :-D When I did Afterburn, I was not dieting, not in any way. I was averaging close to 2,800 calories per day and I still lost 8 pounds!! That is whack! So much for my metabolism slowing down as I age, eh?


Posted by skwigg at 3:04 PM CDT
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Monday, 5 May 2008
Perusing My Loot

As you've probably heard by now, there is one of those mondo promos going on over at Turbulence Training, the kind that lasts 3 days and there's a big ridiculous countdown clock running and you get approximately 120 bonus workouts and e-books with your purchase. It's a great deal if you've been thinking about buying the program, but TT veterans keep telling me that they think Craig does this too often and that it's overkill. I would tend to agree. However, every time it happens, I am more than happy to go over there and collect all of my free bonuses. :-D Those of you who already have Turbulence Training, be sure to check your e-mail for the download link or log into TT Members to grab your freebies by midnight Wednesday. I downloaded all of mine the first night for fear that the server would blow up.

Most of them I've only glanced at, but I was thrilled to get my hands on the Kettlebell Fat Loss Unleashed workout. I looked through it and I love that each workout links to a video demo. You get several minutes of instruction, safety pointers and modifications for each exercise. That's necessary with kettlebell training. If you just looked at a picture of an exercise and sort of guessed how to do it, you could seriously rupture something. A lot of the moves use 2 kettlebells, so now I have an excuse to buy another one! I got a good chuckle out of his description of the cardio "smoke sessions" which involve "high metabolic demand kettlebell drills, sprinting and intermediate distance running." OH my god! We're going to do what? LOL

I also loved the 4 Week Fat Burning Meal Plans. I'm a major meal plan dweeb. I want to see what everybody else is eating, or might eat, or should eat. It's a month of menus with recipes and nutrition stats, a 1500 calorie average for women and an 1800 calorie average for men. I know a whole lot of active women who can lose on 1800, so it's like 8 full weeks of meals. And they're fairly normal meals, not "bodybuilding" food. Like you can have some shredded wheat, milk and banana for breakfast without trying to figure out how to add 40g of protein to it.

I just made a hilarious discovery in Adobe Acrobat Reader. The meal plan e-books face the wrong way so I went into the View menu to rotate them. Near the Rotate View command, there is something called Read Out Loud. Hmmm.... never seen that before. I clicked on it and a ROBOT MAN started reading the menus to me. Too funny!


Posted by skwigg at 6:01 PM CDT
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A Comically Fun Workout Mix

Most of the time I'm very OCD about my workout playlists. I'm a nut about the tempo and the songs and the order. I like to arrange them based on themes or moods. I micromanage and control-freak it like crazy. Well, this week I was living dangerously. I put a couple hundred random upbeat songs into a list and hit shuffle. I didn't look at it or fix it, I just started working out. The results stunned me. Each new song was more hilarious and perfect than the last. I had a GREAT workout and I actually doubled over laughing a couple of times at the lunacy. (Tubthumping especially killed me!) I enjoyed this kook fest so much that I saved it to use again. Here it is for your amusement. Run time is 58 minutes.

Kiss - Prince

Bitch - Meredith Brooks

Mr. Blue Sky - Electric Light Orchestra

You Sexy Thing - Hot Chocolate

Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz

One Week - Barenaked Ladies

Bad Day - R.E.M

Don't Let Me Get Me - Pink

Crazy in Love - Beyonce

Tubthumping - Chumbawumba

Flathead - The Fratellis

Can't Stop - Ozomatli

Do It Well - Jennifer Lopez

Work That - Mary J. Blige

All Good (radio) - Zeroleen

Pain - Jimmy Eat World


Posted by skwigg at 3:52 PM CDT
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Friday, 2 May 2008
A Little Story About a Drunk Bug

(Note - This story involves a big wiggly insect. If you are terrified of bugs or prone to bug nightmares, you might want to skip it.) I was making my favorite cottage cheese, fruit and nut breakfast combo this week. A key step involves wrapping macadamia nuts in a paper towel and bashing the hell out of them with the bottom of a heavy sugar jar. I had my cottage cheese in the bowl, my fresh strawberries sliced, and my nuts ready to be whacked. As I reached for the glass sugar jar, something in it moved, something big and black with spiky legs and long antennas! Eeeeeeeeew! EEEEEEEW!!! Using every ounce of self-control and all of my monkey ninja powers, I resisted the urge to throw the jar against the wall, shriek like a little girl and levitate out of the room. Instead, I slowly and calmly placed the jar on the counter and I dove behind the refrigerator.

From my safe vantage point behind 300 pounds of Kenmore, I could see that Mr. Insect was behaving a little weirdly. For one thing, his bug butt was sticking straight up in the air and he was literally face-down in the sugar. For another thing, he wasn't... really... moving. I crept up for a closer look, thinking maybe he was dead. I tapped on the jar and he slowly and nonchalantly moved one leg. I hopped in a circle flapping my arms and bounced out of the room. 

What to do? I couldn't do any nut-smashing (heh, heh, heh...) with him IN there, and I didn't want to open the lid because then he might come OUT and I might run through the wall of the kitchen like Herman Munster. So, I left him on the counter for further observation. I smashed the macadamia nuts with a pointy hammer thing I found in a drawer, and I ate my breakfast far, far from the icky insect situation. In fact, I forgot all about him for a few hours.

Later that afternoon, I looked at him again. He was still face down in the sugar, apparently eating it, apparently in some kind of a drunken bug sugar stupor. He'd been eating sugar non-stop for like ten hours! I was amazed, and I felt some kind of a twisted carb-junky bond between us, but I wasn't about to open that lid. I waited for my husband to come home. He listened patiently as his crazy wife explained to him about the big wiggly bug in the sugar coma and how I'd been "observing" it all day. He immediately picked up the jar and shook it (eeeeee!!!). The drunken bug righted itself, perked up it's scary antennas, and looked at us like WTF? I bolted out of the room on my tip-toes. I heard the back door open and I ran back just in time to see the jar open and the wind catch the cloud of white sugar. Mr. Insect hit the ground running, as fast as his little bug legs could carry him, in a twisted, drunken serpentine line, covered in magical white fairy dust. I said, "Wow! That bug had quite a party today." Husband said, "But now he tastes like sugar. His friends are going to eat him." 

Ugh! I'm sure there is some kind of a moral to this story, some cautionary tale involving insulin, addiction, restraint and friendship, but I don't know what it is and I have a sugar jar to boil.


Posted by skwigg at 10:20 PM CDT
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Wednesday, 30 April 2008
Getting My Ass Kicked Down The Red Carpet

I have received some hilarious texts and e-mails from those of you doing Red Carpet Ready. These are not unfit people mind you; they are personal trainers, martial artists, fitness instructors, veterans of Afterburn and Turbulence Training. They write to me saying that the Valslide mountain climber thingies dropped them on their ass, that they turned bright red from exertion, that their legs were screaming, that they could only get through the circuits one time before they collapsed, that they had to stop because they thought they were going to throw up or faint.

Oh, how this warms my heart! Now, I do not feel like such a crybaby weenie for struggling through these "fluffy" little workouts. This high heart rate muscular endurance stuff is very, very different from typical heavy lifting. My heart and lungs (and sweat glands) feel like I am doing the TT Bodyweight 500 or 1000. It's that kind of no-rest, burning repetition, but it lasts longer! I'm getting better at it, finding my groove, picking up speed. I did the whole workout (all circuits three times) in 52 minutes this morning. Not only is my pace getting faster, but I'm getting better at the sliding moves and the squat, lunge and plank variations that used to leave me shaking. Of course, once I start getting good at it, the workouts will completely change. You only do them for 3 weeks before switching to something different and worse. :-D

If you want to try some Valerie Waters workouts yourself, she has posted Get an Action Hero Body and Action Hero Workout #2 in her blog. Give it a try. Run through those circuits 3 times each. Don't just look at the pictures and the lack of big weights and think that it's nothing. Try it! And if you have any comical newbie soreness, upchucking or muscle collapse, please write and tell me. I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you.


Posted by skwigg at 5:48 PM CDT
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Saturday, 26 April 2008
Rachel Nichols as Scarlett in GI Joe

Since I'm doing a Valerie Waters fitness program right now, last night, Alwyn Cosrove e-mailed me a photo of Val's latest action hero client. Suddenly all of the guys at work wanted to see my phone. It took me awhile to get it back! This is Rachel Nichols (from Alias) as Scarlett in the upcoming movie GI Joe. She buffed up quite a bit for this role, but I haven't seen any non-supersuit photos yet. Still, looks like you'd have to be pretty damn buff just to get INTO that outfit!

Alwyn also mentioned that next month he and Mike Roussell are launching a new, and I quote, "EXTREME get-shredded plan meets Afterburn on ephedrine." I do not even want to know. I cover my ears and sing... la, la, la, la, la... something about a 4 week fat-blast-o-rama for people wanting to lose much faster than 2lbs per week... la, la, la, la, la... If any of you are interested in Warp Speed Fat Loss, you can click here to watch a 25 minute video or sign up for more info. I'm going to continue with the singing and the ear-covering...

 


Posted by skwigg at 2:42 PM CDT
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Wednesday, 23 April 2008
Bright

I'm learning to love my no-hassle pale new look. What's weird is that I seem to be getting some color even through SPF 70. How is that even possible? Perhaps I should invest in a sun bonnet or a hazmat suit. Anyway, for years I used sunless tanner to enhance muscle definition and minimize flaws on my legs (veins, scars, massive kickboxing bruises). The color blended and hid everything really well. What I have discovered is that bright white legs coated in sunscreen also have their own magical camouflaging properties. They scatter and reflect light like nobody's business. When I'm outdoors in broad daylight, you could not look directly at my legs even if you wanted to. Glance at me and you'll be seeing green spots through tattered retinas for the rest of your life. I'm like a freakin' death ray walking down the street! I feel as though I have discovered a new super power. Do not cast your eyes upon The Human Reflector!

I started the full Red Carpet Ready workouts. I'm doing the strength circuits twice each and it's taking me just under an hour, maybe 50ish minutes. When I increase it to three times each next week, it will probably put the strength workouts at 60-65 minutes. Heart rate stays way up there throughout. There is no rest. You recover from your single-leg reaching lunges by doing sliding planks and such. (Yes, ouch!) After giving it some thought, I decided to go ahead and use the suggested weights, mostly 8-12lbs. Obviously, I'm not going to put on any muscle doing that, but it isn't a muscle-gain program; it's all about getting smaller. What's funny is that I considered this a six week vacation from heavy lifting, a nice break, a way to kick back and relax, try something a little different. I did not in any way expect it to kick my ass, but my ass is so hilariously kicked! This light, high-rep "feel the burn" stuff is just stomping me. The sliding moves, the little isolation exercises that I haven't done in years and years. OMG! The day after my first full workout, I felt like I'd been dipped in fire. Forty minutes into this thing, while I'm doing crazy, leg-lifting, glute-clobbering isolation movements, I find myself trembling and mumbling things like, "Don't cry. It's almost over." How funny! I'm embarassed for myself. Hopefully, I'll toughen up in the coming weeks. :-D


Posted by skwigg at 10:32 PM CDT
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